There are loads of articles and tips around on how to plan a wedding. But we decided to turn wedding planning on its head and think about how not to do it. Here’s a tongue in cheek look at the planning boo-boos that could turn the happiest day ever into a big fat hairy nightmare...
Set the date before finding a venue
The date is the most important thing. If you find it’s booked up at the wedding venue of your dreams, you’ll just have to move on to your second choice. Or third...or fourth. Much better to compromise on the setting for your big day than even consider a different day or season.
Book everything without a budget
It’s the best day of your life – hang the cost. Go out and put deposits down on every wedding frippery you can shake a stick at. If you don’t have the cash now, you can always bung everything on a credit card. You have your whole married life to worry about paying it off.
Don’t bother with wedding insurance
What’s the worst that can happen? Ok, you might hear stories about wedding dresses getting trashed, suppliers going bust and the bride/groom getting ill and missing the whole thing. But doesn’t that sort of stuff always happen to someone else?
Beat the competition
It goes without saying that your wedding is all about the two of you and your love and commitment to each other (blah). But having a better wedding than so-and-so is really where it’s at.
Forget what your groom wants
A wedding is all about the bride. The groom’s job is to just turn up and look hot in his suit. He may not like the idea of a huge wedding, a pink colour scheme or singing waiters but he’ll just have to lump it.
Crash diet or “have work done”
You have to look like a princess on your wedding day. Or, at the very least magazine-worthy. Forget the fact that your other half has loved you as you are for the last X number of years. It’s your red carpet moment and you have to look perfect. Even if that means virtually fainting with hunger before the canapés. Or 90% of your guests not recognising you.
Make unreasonable demands
Y.O.W.O (you only wed once). If other people are selfish enough to put their own lives, families and priorities before your wedding, then they deserve to be crossed off the guest list. Never mind that it would cost them £600 in flights and hotels plus a week’s annual leave to attend. If they cared, they would make the effort.
Fail to plan for bad weather
If you’ve set your heart on a picnic on the lawn instead of a conventional sit down meal inside, there’s no way it will rain. You just have to believe in the power of weddings to overcome the fickle British weather. Having a back up plan would just be wimping out on your dream.
Do everything yourself
To make your wedding really special you need to handmake everything yourself. Otherwise it looks like you’re not really trying. So start cooking chutney, sewing bunting, baking your cake and crafting your stationery. Even if you don’t know one end of a wooden spoon/sewing machine/glue gun from another. Or have the time to do any of this stuff.
Leave guests to go hungry
Corners have to be cut somewhere. Guests who have had nommed your wedding breakfast earlier on in the day should be able to go without. While those who are arriving just for the evening should remember to eat before they arrive. It’s just hard luck if they’re hungry. They should just be grateful to be invited in the first place.
Get your priorities wrong
The main priorities are your dress and accessories, decorations and fancy entertainment. Reduce the part of your budget you’d spend on a lovely meal, wine, professional photographer and DJ and go for cheaper options or do without. That way you’ll have more to spend on the important things like Jimmy Choo's.
Eeeek! That’s our recipe for a double helping of wedding blues. We know that in reality, no bride-to-be would ever do these things. But it is easy to find yourself overwhelmed by planning such an important event and stress about stuff that perhaps doesn’t really matter. See our real brides’ words of wisdom on planning your perfect wedding.
Images © Neal James Photography