We all know that it’s good to talk. And, when you’re in the midst of wedding planning, it’s even more important. The conversations that you have before the big day can be crucial in dealing with issues as well as helping you stay on track and get excited as you approach your wedding. So, turn off your phones, take some time out and settle down because there are 5 conversations that you need to have before your wedding.
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Wedding advice – the all-important topics
OK, so some of these conversations might be ones that you’ve had already or they might be things that you talked about early on in your relationship. However, it’s a good idea to revisit these topics now your wedding is on the horizon. If you’ve not had these couples’ chats at all yet, don’t delay because they’re all important.
- Money. Now we might have grown up being told that talking about money isn’t ‘nice’ but it’s crucial that you’ve had ‘the money talk’ before you get married. How are you going to manage your finances? How will you save? Who’ll pay for what or how much will you put into a joint account? This isn’t a quick conversation to have and it can sometimes be tricky to work out what to do for the best but, once you both know where you stand, you’ll feel much better. It can also be a good idea to decide when you’ll have this conversation again – things can change and your approach to your money might need to as well.
- Children. The question isn’t just if you want children but it’s also how you’ll parent them. Obviously this isn’t the stage to decide who’s going to get up for the 2am feed or who’ll do the school run but what’s your overall approach going to be? Will there be structure or will you go for a more laid back approach? What’s important to you when it comes to education? There’s no right or wrong answer but getting an idea of how you’ll manage parenting early on can be enlightening and useful.
- Work. By the time you’re getting married, you’ll probably have a good idea about the importance of your careers. But do you know if your partner has a burning desire to re-train or go for huge promotions? How would this affect you? What do you want from your career and how can your partner support you? Are you happy to both work long hours so that you can save for a deposit on a home or refill your savings account post-wedding? Work is always a huge part of our lives so you need to know where it sits in your list of priorities.
- Disagreements. However happy your relationship is, there will always be disagreements, however minor. The best way to stop the little things becoming the big problems is to work out how you’re going to handle them. When’s the best time of day to discuss issues that you’ve got? Is there a way you can address problems without getting into full-blown arguments that are hard to back down from? How would you feel about writing a letter to your partner when something’s bothering you or having a time that’s set aside for these discussions when you can talk without feeling the heat of ‘the moment’?
- Deal Breakers. This is the big conversation to have because this one speaks volumes about your values and the things that are most important to you. What can you simply not forgive? What would totally ruin your relationship? What’s not acceptable and what don’t you actually mind that much? It could be that you’re really happy that your partner has an all-consuming hobby because you love the time on your own or it might be that you just can’t handle someone getting drunk and going out for a big night too often. If you can get this agreed, you’ll have a really solid foundation for your lives together.
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Wedding tips – good conversation
Having the ‘big’ conversations can be tricky sometimes, here are a few tips to make these talks a little easier:
- Decide on the right time. Trying to have an in-depth conversation after a long day at work or as you’re driving to a family event might not be a good idea. Set aside time when you can give yourselves plenty of attention and privacy too.
- Be prepared. Don’t spring these big conversations on your partner without any warning. Yes, you might have been thinking about the topic in hand and where you stand on it for days but give your partner some notice about what you want to talk about so they can gather their thoughts too.
- Before is best. The best time to talk about all of these things is before they happen. Talking about things when you’re calm and not in the heat of the moment is much easier. Don’t dodge the difficult conversations and just hope you won’t need to have them.
- Be appreciative. Talking isn’t always easy so appreciate the fact that you’re both doing this. You’re investing in your relationship so when you finish, a hug, a kiss and a ‘thank you, I’m glad we had that chat’ makes your partner feel appreciated and smooths the way for the next conversation.
- Concentrate on the big things. Keep focused when you’re talking and try not to get distracted by side issues or minor details. Both being sure of the big picture is important, you can nail down the detail later.
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